I recently got a very disturbing call from one of my aunts. The first thing she said to me when I picked up the phone was, "I know you have always hated D (her daughter, my oldest cousin)!". Needless to say, I was shocked. So shocked that the only reaction that came out of me was a downpour of tears. I was confused. I had always prided myself to have not hurt anyone and being able to see the other's point of view in order to ignore their idiosynchrocies. I know I have my own set of those. And given that everyone in my family still seems to love me, I always assumed they did the same as well. But this statement from my Aunt, and a few others that followed it just didn't make sense.
As it turns out, I had forgotten to call D on her 42nd birthday the day before. And to add insult to injury (I guess?) I called my Aunt to wish her on her birthday a week before, right date, wrong month! I know it's not good. But all I did was to wish her well, didn't l? And I wouldn't have minded receiving a call from my aunt complaining that I didn't remember her birthday correctly or from D that I forgot to call her. But making a leap to it being a twisted way to taunt D? Given me, anyone who knows me knows that I get dates and months confused, I do not call people even if I really really want to, and I most definitely do not go out of my way to hurt people. And even if you don't know me, how do you turn wishing someone into an intentional act of hurting them? One needs to be really screwed up to make that jump. And even if you do, how long can you have your parents fight your battle for you? How long can you fight your children's battles for them? Aren't you actually hurting them if you are still doing that past their 40s? D has always taunted people and insulted the elders including her father and my father in public, and my aunt has always supported D. How I wish I had the guts to call and tell my aunt that she actually needs to correct D when she does this. Tell her that she is not always correct. Tell her that by blaming and insulting everyone around her, she is alienating people who once cared for her. Every single one around her is actually scared of her outbursts and she is going to end up alone and lonely if she does not change her ways. Harsh as it may sound, isn't that a parent's job? Shouldn't you prepare your children so that when you are gone, you know they will be ok?
As it turns out, I had forgotten to call D on her 42nd birthday the day before. And to add insult to injury (I guess?) I called my Aunt to wish her on her birthday a week before, right date, wrong month! I know it's not good. But all I did was to wish her well, didn't l? And I wouldn't have minded receiving a call from my aunt complaining that I didn't remember her birthday correctly or from D that I forgot to call her. But making a leap to it being a twisted way to taunt D? Given me, anyone who knows me knows that I get dates and months confused, I do not call people even if I really really want to, and I most definitely do not go out of my way to hurt people. And even if you don't know me, how do you turn wishing someone into an intentional act of hurting them? One needs to be really screwed up to make that jump. And even if you do, how long can you have your parents fight your battle for you? How long can you fight your children's battles for them? Aren't you actually hurting them if you are still doing that past their 40s? D has always taunted people and insulted the elders including her father and my father in public, and my aunt has always supported D. How I wish I had the guts to call and tell my aunt that she actually needs to correct D when she does this. Tell her that she is not always correct. Tell her that by blaming and insulting everyone around her, she is alienating people who once cared for her. Every single one around her is actually scared of her outbursts and she is going to end up alone and lonely if she does not change her ways. Harsh as it may sound, isn't that a parent's job? Shouldn't you prepare your children so that when you are gone, you know they will be ok?
As I see my little neices and nephews grow up, I can't even imagin doing to them what my aunt did to me this last week. She chose her daughters feelings over mine.
I know I want to have my own children one day. I hope I love and pamper them, but prepare them for their own battles. I hope I am a stable support, but make sure that they do not crumble without me. I hope they remember me as a loving mother who taught them to love and respect themselves as well as others. And I hope I teach them to steer themselves clear of people who do not do the same.
I think it is time for me to follow my own advice and steer clear of these people week clearly do not love or respect anyone's feelings besides themselves. I guess this is a vital part of growing up as well.
I think it is time for me to follow my own advice and steer clear of these people week clearly do not love or respect anyone's feelings besides themselves. I guess this is a vital part of growing up as well.
